News of the Weirdos

Trump, Vance, Kennedy: Surreal Housemates of Washington, D.C....

Let’s just cut right to the “weirdo” metaphor.

It’s true.

My profound detestation of Donald Trump is decades-long, because he was/is weird. My well-meaning brother-in-law gave me “Trump: The Game” for Christmas in 1987 or so, and I could barely contain my abject revulsion. “Uh, thanks, man,” I managed, in a performance that rivaled any turned in by Robert DeNiro or Marlon Brando.

Then I put “Trump: The Game” in a crawlspace for a generation.

This insipid program was on in my house, and it led to confrontation. “Why do you watch this asshole?” I might have been more..adamant.

When I went to clean out said Trump Game crawl space tomb, I immediately threw it away.

So, I am an early weirdo spotter.

Let’s recap the week:

TRUMP: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR PARANOIA?

***

Last week, Senile Don filled his Depends on stage before the National Association of Black Journalists. He ludicrously proclaimed he’d be the greatest president for Blacks since Abraham Lincoln.

I’m sorry, but what narcotic are you mixing into your Diet Coke?

Then he complained about the sound system. Then he asserted that Vice President Kamala Harris was race-shopping and finally landed on, tada! Black. He called the interviewers “nasty”. And so on. While he also looked like a commercial for Florida orange juice: tangerined, rested, ready.

He’s OJ, alright. A felon.

Then he gave a speech at Georgia State to a lightly-attended indoor event where he viciously attacked the GOP governor of Georgia, Brian Kemp, who, according to a Kemp aide, is the only Republican who has an in-place ground game. The aide said Trump’s was “non-existent”. Ground game is plus two in a tie, political science minors.

Then, Trump congratulated his KGB handler/dictator/hero Vladimir Putin for his release of the prisoners like Gershkovich and Whalen. Uh huh. I believe that President Joe Biden is our actual leader, buddy. But that Russian collusion is BS. Right?

Let’s see. That would be, what, five days of gaffes?

Weird. Weirder. Weirdest.

VANCE: YOU’RE NO JACK-OFF KENNEDY

***

Just who is James David “JD” Bowmanhamelvance?

Well, he attacked childless cat ladies, and, also, doubled-down on same attacks. Yale Law, buddy? Can we see your transcript?

He has described his own wife, an Indian American, as a good mother, considering she isn’t a honky. But he also endorsed Trump’s weird opening racial salvo against Vice President Harris.

Oh, and then there was the sofa incident.

My take: I think it’s actually true, and there is a Washington Post reporter who told my dear buddy it’s true. It appeared in the first edition. AP jumped the gun, folks. Dig harder, guys. This is why you got beat on November 22, 1963 by UPI.

I don’t want to get too deep into the cushions on this, because God knows what’s in there. But it ain’t pretty.

Then there was his trans friend, who he was very kind to in college, and then because being the true dirtbag creep that he is, he turned on him. The friend, an accomplished lawyer, released their e-mails.

Yow.

Then there’s his affinity for Silicon Valley loon Peter Thiel, who likes being transfused with teen blood when he’s not trying to establish a Nazi regime. Oh, and Musk, who needs no negative introduction.

Big couch stuffed full o’ weird. And other stuff.

Plus: intermittent Maybelline eyeliner use? Dude, it’s OK, but don’t deny the civil rights of people who are actually into that.

KENNEDY: PAY ANY PRICE, BEAR ANY BURDEN

***

To use the word “weird” to describe Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is a disservice to the word “weird”.

Whackier than a bag of hammers (hat tip: Peter Carlin’s dad, Al). Nuts. Flaky. Cray cray. Bonkers. Worm-eaten.

Anyway.

In 2014, President-parasitic-worms-in-his-head-Kennedy found a roadkill bear cub in the Hudson Valley, where he has been completely disavowed by the Hudson Valley Riverkeepers. What did he do? He decided to leave it there and continue driving to his dinner.

Naw.

He picked up the dead, smashed bear (14 lbs.), and brought it back to New York, which his drunk buddies thought was a fine idea, but Kennedy denies drinking.

Maybe he had shot up.

Hey, it’s just my personal belief. He likes stupid conspiracy theories.

So Kennedy takes the bear into Central Park, dumps it in the bushes, while careful placing the remains underneath a bicycle. So he staged a hit-and-run bear accident. You know.

Credible.

Now, I am not aware of any significant bear population on Manhattan. I’ve been in Central Park many times, and the scariest animals I’ve seen are pigeons.

Interestingly, The New York Times ran a little story about the incident. You want weird? Here’s weirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.

The article was written by Tatiana Schlossberg. Do you know who Tatiana Schlossberg is? Sitting down?

Caroline Kennedy’s daughter.

Heh. The torch is passed all over the place in this family.

Twilight Zone theme. Weirdweirdweird. Woo woooooooo. CBS RADIO MYSTERY THEME MUSIC WEIRD.

Weird, again.

And Bobby didn’t say anything. But you know, he’s a truth-teller. Doesn’t like cover-ups. You know. Coincidence or conspiracy? Do the math.

Weirderino mo’: Rosanne Barr, an avowed Trump fan, was interviewing Kennedy about the bear incident.

OK, kids, I’m weirded out.

JACKNOTE: Tomorrow I’ll be doing a piece for the Chronicle about Harris’s VP choice if it’s Gov. Tim Walz. I’ve become rather convinced he’s the smartest play. Looks like a Republican, governs like Liz Warren, and he’s wildly popular in ‘CCO Land (IYKYK), also known as Minnesota. I worked in his district in 1978 as a political aide to a congressional candidate. If not, I’ll write about Gov. Josh Shapiro, anyway. —J.

See you tomorrow.