My column for the San Francisco Chronicle on Trump and Epstein...

Hoo boy. Does anyone think Trump wasn't on the list?

Epstein’s list? What Epstein list? You don’t need no stinking list!

By Jack Ohman

July 10, 2025

If you’re worried that the Jeffrey Epstein files may potentially expose his former friend President Donald Trump to, um, legal unpleasantness, don’t worry.

They now no longer exist. Magic, really.

Look! Over there! It’s Hunter Biden’s laptop!

The Department of Justice and the Federal Bureau of Investigation now assert that the guest list wasn’t compiled, anyway.

Oh, and Epstein’s 2019 death inside his jail cell at New York’s Metropolitan Correctional Center where he was being held on sex trafficking charges? Yeah, he killed himself. Case closed.

You may be confused by these stunning revelations considering that when Attorney General Pam Bondi was asked in February by Fox News whether DOJ planned to release a “list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients,” she said the list was sitting on her desk.

The New York Times reported that for months Bondi “promised the release of documents on the disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein that could reveal damaging details, drumming up anticipation over the files, long a source of speculation and conspiracy theories.”

But upon further review, apparently, Trump’s party decided they no longer needed to push the conspiracy narrative. And that may have been news to some of the MAGA faithful.

After all, FBI Director Kash Patel and Deputy FBI Director Dan Bongino were ginning up the conspiracy theory that Epstein’s suicide was fishy prior to Trump’s victory in 2024.

For Patel, a former U.S. prosecutor, and Bongino, a former Secret Service agent turned MAGA podcaster, to engage in reckless speculation about the Epstein suicide was just another day at the fever swamp office.

But now they’re running the FBI.

“This systematic review revealed no incriminating ‘client list,’” an anti-climactic FBI memo made public this week noted.

“There was also no credible evidence found that Epstein blackmailed prominent individuals as part of his actions. We did not uncover evidence that could predicate an investigation against uncharged third parties,” the memo stated, adding, “No further disclosure would be appropriate or warranted.”

It must come as a relief that the conspiracy has officially now been quashed, particularly since Trump and Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. have long said they, along with the likes of Former President Bill Clinton, had visited Epstein’s Caribbean pleasure palace.

Along the way there were some unsettling moments. In February, for instance, Bondi “released” a trove of unclassified Epstein files that sent amateur sleuths into a frenzy. The MAGA mediasphere rejoiced! Finally! Transparency had arrived! Except that there was no new there there.

This week’s serving of nothingburgers is just another Al-Capone’s-vault-level disappointment for MAGA-world. Even the Trump-friendly Wall Street Journal chided the kook media right for going after Bondi, Patel, and Bongino.

It’s ironic that Trump, the same conspiracy theorist who claimed to blowing the lid on long-hidden secrets by releasing classified JFK assassination files, now wants reporters to stop asking questions about his former friend Epstein.

“Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years. You’re asking — we have Texas, we have this, we have all of the things. And are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable,” Trump said Tuesday in response to a reporter’s question to Bondi.

It is indeed unbelievable, especially considering Trump pushed the evidence-free conspiracy theory that President Barack Obama was born outside the United States to help fuel his own presidential campaign.

Trump once said, “I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy. He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

Yeah. A lot of fun.

According to The Daily Beast, “Epstein’s infamous leaked address books had Trump’s own phone number as well as Melania’s, while Trump’s name appeared seven times in the passenger logs of Epstein’s planes.”

Epstein’s plane was called the “Lolita Express,” for those taking notes. “Lolita,” of course, refers to Vladimir Nabokov’s 1955 novel about his protagonist’s obsession with a 12-year-old girl.

The Trump/Bondi disappearing act is nothing new. This is a common Trumpian strategy: make it disappear if it’s inconvenient. For his entire career, Trump has denied objective reality.

It’s a witch hunt! I’m innocent! She’s not my type! I never met her! I’m not a racist! I didn’t steal from my father!Those NOAA cuts have nothing to with the lack of warnings about what turned out to be deadly flooding in Texas!

Should we be at all surprised that Trump, who has taken, on the record, seven documented trips on Epstein’s Lolita Express now wants to make it all go away?

You might also want to check out how he views federal courts and the rule of law.

That’s the next thing Trump wants to make disappear.

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Hey, YBs! : Another crazy day in CreationAmerica. Tomorrow will be similarly goofy, so hang on. More content T/C. Hope you all have a great evening. I’ll see if the Giants can keep it going again. Catch you tomorrow.—J.