Am I a Baby Boomer? Nope. I'm a Maybe Boomer...

I was born in 1960. Try this generational anthem on for size...

As a 1960 baby, I enjoy telling this anecdote.

I was born in 1960, at the peak moment of the election.

My parents were named John and Jackie.

They named me Jack.

And they voted for Nixon.

Demographers tell us that the Baby Boom lasted from 1946 until 1964. My brother was born in 1964. If you quiz him, it is unlikely that he would tell you he had much in common with someone born in 1964 (aside: Vice President Harris was also born in 1964, as was Gov. Tim Walz—the Last Gasp).

The Boomers have been running the table for the last millenia in terms of political power and the social culture.

This isn’t an anti-Boomer rant. Most of my friends are Boomers; I’d say 80 percent or so. My friend Lori Shea Kuechler noted today upon receipt of this column that there is something called “Generation Jones,” which is 1955 to 1964, but I’m really talking about the tail-enders like me, born in ‘60 til ‘64. I am married to a bitter, faintly angry Generation X member, and I have heard more than one time that I won’t get out of the way.

“Well, make sure the insurance is paid up.” In retrospect, she probably didn’t mean acturarially, but I’m 64 and scared.

OK, so maybe it was that I wouldn’t get out of the way in the kitchen or on the sofa, but hey. She does have a point, but see also: she did get The Breakfast Club as a movie icon.

I suppose mine was Saturday Night Fever (1977, I think). At the time, when I took Julie to see it, I thought, wow, this isn’t who I am (I was a high school junior in suburban St. Paul, the least Brooklyn Place in America).

I didn’t dig the clothes, the hair, the music, the shoes, or anything about it. I knew that I was culturally at sea, waiting, ever waiting for The Next Metaphor for My Generation.

Of course, I saw it again a few years ago and loved it.

Here are some differences between me, a Maybe Boomer © and a Real Baby Boomer ©:

1. Vietnam. Them: Scared shitless they were going to get drafted, and rightly so. Me: Saw Apocalypse Now and found it scary.

2. Music: Them: If You Go To San Francisco, Be Sure To Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair. Me: If You Go To San Francisco, Be Sure To Pay Your BART Fare.

3. Politics: Them: Dump LBJ. Me: Jimmy Carter put solar panels on White House roof.

4. Drugs: Turn on, Tune In, Drop Out. Me: Be careful with that Tylenol.

And so on.

Baby Boomers have had lots of presidents and presidential nominees. Trump (1946), Clinton (1946), Gore (1947), W. (1946), Romney (1947). Maybe Boomers?

Obama (1961).

Speaking of 1961, the Canadian novelist Douglas Coupland wrote a book entitled Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Generation. Coupland was born in 1961. I then checked out his birthdate (Dec. 30, 1961). Therefore, I decided since this guy was only a year younger than I was, it would be more than OK to separate myself from the Boomers as a Gen Xer.

That’s called an imperfect syllogism in philosophy.

I think.

However, I knew I was lying to myself about my generational status, and then we had Joe Biden as president, and this guy was even older than a Baby Boomer (1943, a Silent Generation Guy).

My dad was a Silent Generation man himself (1931), but he had nothing in common with someone born even in 1940. He had firsthand memories of the Great Depression (may grandfather was out of work for a year in 1930), knew precisely where he was on December 7, 1941, owned a Model A (I still have the tools from it), and had definite opinions about various Big Bands.

Baby Boomers, to their credit, have accomplished amazing stuff, created a fascinating sociocultural scene that still resonates to this very second, and generally have been fascinating to watch. The Maybe Boomers, the Gen Xers, the Millennials, and Whatever the New One Is (Y?) have had to sit on the sidelines in terms of getting their jobs.

The Boomers also happened to figure out how they can live 10-20 years longer than their parents (lay off the Chesterfields and Tee Many Martoonies, go to the gym, and keep your pie hole shut). Therefore, again, they want to stay in power, go to the Stones concerts, and generally keep the fun aspects of the 1960s rolling as long as they can.

One of my superpowers is having studied the Boomer Era and being able to parrot back a lot of the cultural detritus that these people routinely cite. I probably majored in the Boomer Era in college, honestly, and can compete successfully against any Boomer in Boomer Edition Trivial Pursuit. Of course, I sound like Rain Man.

Maybe Boomers are more attuned to Disco Duck, MTV, The Gap Look (Thank God that came around. I just couldn’t handle unnatural fibers, and I’m a khaki guy), getting an MBA (no, of course I didn’t. I had to become a cartoonist and writer), and having a lot of cable channels.

On the other hand, Maybe Boomers remember the early space age (we watched Gemini launches in elementary school and saw man walk on the moon), remember the Good RFK, knew who his brother was, saw the Mets win the World Series, and our older siblings went to Vietnam or were trying to avoid it. So we had tangential knowledge of the Boomer World. We just lived in it, even if it wasn’t ours.

I have some flashbulb memories of the JFK assassination as well, which is pretty unusual for someone my age. I have run into a fellow 1963 three year old or two who also has some weird fragment of recollection. I say that if you can remember the Kennedy assassination, you are on the far side of a great American cultural divide.

Now that I’ve defined my generation, I have to figure out a way to monetize it like the Baby Boomers.

Good luck with that. I’ll ask Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties how to do it.

He’s our guy, after all.

He’s no Jack Kennedy, though.

Hoo boy. You Boomers win again.

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Good morning, people! I’m over 3,000 subscribers now, which is astonishing to me. I’ll keep banging this stuff out for you, and particularly if you can see your way clear to helping with a monthly or yearly paid subscription. If you’re digging this, I would be very much obliged. Also, stay tuned for some paid subscriber premiums coming very soon. Thank you so much for your support. I hope to be doing far into the future (for you), even if it’s in a bunker somewhere in a secure, undisclosed location.—J.